Bunny Turds, Chicken Bullion, And a Potty of Pee

What on earth do these three things have in common, you ask? My dogs. That’s what. Or actually who. All in the last month.

About a month ago, B was snuggling Knox on the floor as they do often. Like hardcore snuggle fest. I was sitting at the dining table doing paperwork. I hear B whine and S say “you gotta see this!”. That’s never good. (Today, she said it and I came out to a piece of computer paper GLUED to the wall in the living room) I glance over and see B, standing there with barf all over him. Like covered from head to toe. Literally. Did he throw up? Is he sick? Or did the dog puke? Wait, what is THAT? Dog barf. Dog barf made of bunny poop. Can’t. Make. This. Up. And sweet B just looked at me and said “Mop (he calls me that 🤷🏼‍♀️) I need a wipe!” Buddy, you need far more than a wipe. Item number one: Bunny Turds.

Earlier this week, in a desperate attempt to create an activity for the kids to do while I held C on my hip and cooked dinner, I let them stack chicken bullion cubes on the table. I know, I know. It was already out and they were on the verge of permanently attaching themselves to my leg while simultaneously trying to touch everything dangerous in the kitchen. Well, B decided to throw several of the cubes and Lexi gobbled them up. Like 872,826 milligrams of sodium. Enough sodium to make a pot of soup for 20. Wait for it, wait for it… she barfed it up all over the kitchen about 10 minutes later. Which is a good reference for next time she eats a bag of m&ms. #themoreyouknow Item number 2: Chicken Bullion Cubes

Like any other second child, B is potty training himself. I bought him a bag of m&ms when he started and turns out, all he needs is a high five. Zero interest in the m&ms. S, however fully believes in being his coach and getting m&ms for all of her coaching. So we have a potty that made its way into the living room. B peed on it today and before I could clean it up, (you guessed it) Lexi ran over and did it for me. Barf. Like a figurative barf. Followed by a literal barf. By Lexi. On the rug. And before I could clean that up, she of course ate it, which sent me into dry heaves. All while burning some quesadillas for the kids for dinner. #momlifeisthebestlife Item number 3: Potty Full of Pee

So that’s my month of fun. A collection of things that the original three did to keep me on my toes. (Kate actually had a similar story last week but we have no idea what she got into because #catsaresneaky) Couple it with a vet visit that cost a half of a mortgage for an infected anal gland and you have (hopefully) completed the spring awakening for the fur babies.

Here is what I learned this month:

• My gag reflex is not reserved for pregnancy. It’s always there. Bunny turds, kid potty turds (aka Tupperware full of s*it), you name it.
• My kids love their dogs. Like unconditionally. Bunny turd barf or not. B snuggled back up with Knox within an hour of being barfed on.
• Mom life is super not glamorous. But, I did get some sunny days where I could be the suburban mom AF in a sun hat and coffee mug with semi content littles running around. Though shower-less and tired, that to me, is glamorous. Oh how that concept has changed over the years.
• The days are long (which is magnified by hubs’ ridiculous April work schedule) but these kids are growing up so quickly. I’m trying to embrace the glued walls, barf and tantrums while I can. Some day, as my wonderful neighbor, D, recently reminded me- it will be frat parties and many other things to worry about.