Today, I carried her

S has been rather sassy the past couple of weeks. Some fun stuff included $30 in library damage fees, newly nail polished furniture, and brought clothing changes for 3 weeks worth of laundry. Hubs and I talked about how she needs some one on one time and planned to give her some on Sunday.

So today, after work, I took S to Gymboree since it is closing. I wanted to snag some good deals on quality stuff and let her do some light shopping too. She was my little buddy today, and you could see the happiness pouring out of her as we browsed the racks together, choosing as many accessories as she could hold in her hands. It was 30 minutes full of magic. Just me and my girl.

I told her we could go pick out cookies for the family as a treat. She wanted to make sure B was getting one too which restored my faith that I’m doing something right. When I popped the van door open, she jumped onto my hip like she used to when she was a toddler.

And I carried her. Into Panera. From over a block away. Because I could. See, she has two successors who need to be carried like ALL of the time. We cuddle daily, but she’s almost 4 now, and I honestly couldn’t tell you the last time I carried her to travel anywhere or distance. I hold her at home whenever she will let me, buy this was different. So I carried her. I had a flashback to being at that Panera when I was hugely pregnant with B and carrying her in on top of my belly.

A tear trickled down my cheek as I realized that someday, I won’t be able to carry her on my hip. My baby. The girl who made me a mommy. My best friend. So I carried her. We snuggled in line at Panera, and I didn’t even try to put her down. She didn’t want to be out down, and for that 10 minutes, I was reunited with my firstborn in a way I didn’t know the both of us needed. She had my full attention and I had hers.

And so, leaving Panera, just me and her, I still carried her. And I didn’t even want to put her down. I just wanted to hold her forever- because as I’ve been told since the day I told people I was pregnant, they grow up so fast.

Here is what i know:

-Time is the only non renewable social resource. Embrace it.

-Carry then even when people judge you for it.

-Remember where it all started.

-Always love. Always.