REAAAAAAL talk here. Having three kids and watching them grow personalities while learning to coexist with siblings is pretty darn cool. But its pretty darn hard too. C is what hubs and I like to refer to as “high needs”. That’s fancy for colicky and sleepless. (toddler moms- did you get my Fancy Nancy reference there? 🙂 ) He is either happy or super pissed and no in-between. There are nights where he is down for a couple hours of independent sleep, and then there is the other 72% of the time where there is constant holding for the entire night. Those nights are exhausting. Like mind blowing exhausting. His rules include no sitting, constant pivoting or walking lunges. Occasionally, he will allow squats and light rocking. But thankfully, he is the cutest darn thing to look at (God bless hormones), so I can tolerate a lot of baby snuggles.
So naturally, I am sleep deprived which I was when all three kids were newborns. But this is like a whole new level of deprivation. Like so tired, I think I have conversations that never happened, and I forget to take care of myself which is a big problem. (more like sleep takes precedent over things for me- I haven’t had my hair done since I was 30 weeks pregnant with C- BUT I did get myself some wonderful fake lashes from Sephora the other day to feel fancy for the first time in a long time!) Poor little C had a double ear infection, start of bronchitis, and a cold a couple weeks back, thanks to the petri dishes: S and B. I didn’t sleep for 4 days. Like literally, I slept 4 total hours over 4 nights. I was delirious. Going through the motions. Poor little dude also had tummy issues from the antibiotics, so that caused a lot of the problems. I hit a point where I had to cancel plans because I was afraid of 1. driving my car so tired and 2. one of my kids doing something to get hurt and having to go to the ER so tired. Not. Even. Kidding.
I miss my big kids. Sure, I see and parent them all day, but all of the non-baby C time that I have is spent either eating (I almost cried today when B threw a tantrum for my protein bar when it was the only thing I had started to eat and it was 11am) sleeping (If hubs is home), or working (Thank goodness for my amazing staff who takes care of #allthethings for me). Someday, I will be able to spend this time doting on one big kid at a time. For now, I do as much as I can with them all together and in pockets on their own when I can. I took S on a bunch of holiday errands when hubs started vacation, and same with B when my mom could help with C and S was at school for the last couple weeks before Christmas break. To add to this, the more coffee I drink, the fussier C is at night. Or at least that is my theory which is a super slap in the face.
Last week, I got the boys down to sleep and was too tired for S’s saga of a bedtime routine. So I let her stay up so I could eat, clean the kitchen, and clean up the day. (speaking of this, I need an affordable cleaning lady if anyone has suggestions) She played, helped me, and was just happy to be a little mini mama. Fast forward to Christmas morning when she got her most wanted gift, a hatchimals hatchibaby. She was a ridiculously good mama. For those of you who haven’s had the pleasure of knowing the ins and outs of the hatchimal world, they require feeding, rocking, butt pats, the whole nine yards. The thing’s eyes turn orange when its gassy. She is 3.5 and got that thing out, and like a first time mama, fed it, rocked it gently, and sang to it. As I watched her “mom” her hatchimal, I realized that I am doing something right. She watches everything I do, and learns.
Speaking of which, B is catching on too. The other day, I looked over as I was consoling a mid day meltdown by Colin. (To be fair, our house is super loud and chaotic with 3 under 4, so I’m pretty sure it stresses C out) Sweet little B was mimicking breastfeeding his paw patrol stuffed animals. Later that day, he changed Spider Man’s diaper. They are always watching. And at least for now, they see my golden moments.
Having a high needs baby with two toddlers is super tough, but it really has taught me what I am made of. Here is what I have learned in the almost 4 months since I fell ridiculously in love with another little Finn baby:
I am resilient. I can have a really hard day, and wake up (or stay up) with an attitude that doesn’t let yesterday make tomorrow suck.
I have these two soul sisters who let me text, call, and marco polo (check out the app- its a game changer) all day to keep my sanity, and for them, I am forever grateful and indebted. They also hang out with me on purpose. 😉
Kids are just the best. I mean, I have a small collection of the best there is, so its no surprise, but they have the ability to drive you to the edge of sanity and follow it up with showing you how much you matter and have taught them.
Someday, I will sleep like a normal human, but as long as I am not, I will embrace the baby snuggles and the bonus workouts I get from my little trainer, C. (like mama, like son, right?)