Embracing Life through Trauma

I gave up on hoping for a change of pace in March. 

Yesterday was one of my scariest and saddest days as a parent thus far. When I look at the big picture of this month, I realize that although I truly thought seeing my poor kid get her head stapled shut was going to be the worst thing I could see, it was really mother nature’s way of prepping me for what was to come. 

We were at a dear friend’s house for a playdate with all the kiddos and my soul mates from my college days. Everyone had a blast eating brunch and snuggling the babies we don’t get to see often enough. We were headed out the door when S started going a bit bonkers. Her and her buddy were running around knowing their fun and jelly bean eating was coming to an end. In a split second, S ran into a den off of the entrance as I was getting B’s shoes. She slammed the door with epic 3 year old force. It took about 2 seconds for me to realize that B’s hand was in the door jam. Slam. Queue shocked look of panic on B, and I whisked him up after opening the door. 

My baby wasn’t whole anymore. His finger was a tangled mess. Like the things that nightmares are made of. The panic of not knowing how to fix my poor baby sent me into tears and survival mode. Thank goodness I was in good company, because I was not thinking clearly. The whole house was in shock and I needed a village who could make sound decisions without fighting the mom emotions of knowing your baby is hurting and you can’t fix it. 

C drove my sobbing baby and sobbing self to the pediatric ER in Bertha while I left S in the company of my friends. I left without even saying good bye. My friends were amazing and took great care of her. My mom dropped everything and went over to get her for me shortly after.  C stayed the entire time the ER put my baby back together. She at one point crouched down with a phone playing Elmo so that B could be distracted from the mess of his hand. (she cringed at Mr. Noodle each time 🙂 ) I truly think I wouldn’t have made it without her there. 

B was all finally all fixed up with an order to see the hand surgeon today and the cutest little sock covered wrap. Through all of this, B waved and said “Bye” to everyone he saw at the ER. I got home to Nana and S having a great time. We put the kiddos down, and I got to work on scheduling the last pieces of B getting his finger back to a chunky, not tangled baby finger. The doorbell rang. It was Binny’s. My dear L had Binny’s send me a bottle of wine, a 6 pack of White Claws and a high five. Not kidding- a 20 something year old high fived this hot mess mom. I cried. 

Here is what March taught me: 

1. Lead with both your heart and head. I wasn’t joking about barely balancing. I’m doing my best. Really. And that HAS to be good enough. Stuff happens. Find that inner resilience and let it shine. Remember that it can always be worse. There was a critical baby in the ER with us and I kept thinking how I was on the lucky side of the ER yesterday.

2. Rely on your village. I have legitimately the best support system in the world. Sometimes it takes a month like March to make me realize that my supports are just incredible. It truly took a village to get me through this month. PS- Thanks, J for the morning recovery coffee today! I need you, lady! 

3. Focus on the positive. It was so easy for me to say March was the worst ever. Yeah, some not so fun stuff happened, but some great stuff happened too. We got to have some great playdates with friends. B started putting two and three words together. S has a vocabulary that rivals me as a 7 year old (“Mama, I was not cooperating at school yesterday but I am now cooperating with you.”) Like, WHAAAAT? Hubs had some time off this week. I got a killer mom hair cut. We grew as a family in problem solving EXPONENTIALLY. Work more than doubled in performance from last March ALREADY. 

4. Keep on swimming. You just can’t stop. In my twenties, I shut down  when things got hard. That is not an option now that I have 3 other human beings and 3 furry beings depending on me to function 24/7. This too, shall pass. 

5. That said, take a break. Find a way to take a breather. Most things can wait to be done. (Baby fingers not included in things that can wait) Email can wait. Cleaning anything can wait. Dinner can be ordered. Find a way to decompress and take that break. I was lucky enough to find some time to get my hair did and to go to target solo once. This part keeps all of the above going around. 

Finally, Carpe diem– Today is a new day. Each day is a new page in a new chapter (crappy chapter maybe, but not every page is crappy) of your book. (2018 has some great things coming- I just know it!)